I’m not good at remembering exact dates and all that kind of crap, but i sure remember everything about you and everything with you. I know I must forget you, let go and stop holding on, but sometimes, I forget about forgetting you.
Remember the night when I said that if ever things fall apart between us you shouldn’t worry about me coz I’ll just think of you as my pet dog bubbles who died of starvation? I lied. You asked me how I really felt about you, I said nothing. I lied again. All the times that we were together, all I did was lie, deny, and push you away, because that was the right thing to do. Because, I knew while you were with me, her heart is breaking, and I don’t want to be a part of that. I said three-fourths of me wants you to go back and fix things with her, but the truth is, I want you so bad that pushing you away would be the best thing to do coz I know you’ll be happier with her, which I have proved right. I know you’re happy now, happier than you could ever be with me, and I am genuinely happy for the both of you. No BS.
Am I mad? No. That’s what I’ve been trying to do, be mad at you so that it would be easier for me to move on and forget you, but I can’t. Because I can’t find a freakin reason to hate you, because, everything I hated about you, I learned to love, even your annoying non-stop self-admiration, the fact that you’re an asshole, your vanity, your ADHD-like syndrome, your “I’m so fine everyone wants to shag me” line that you never fail to mention whenever I criticize you, and how you made me wait for twenty five hours.
Would I do it all over again? Hell to the yes. If I were to pick someone who I can watch dvds with while eating cold pizza, play tong-its with till dawn, re-enact UFC moves, listen to wild confessions and laugh at those stupid callers, sing mushy songs with, play hide and seek with (underpants version), argue about anything with, get into petty fights with, pig out with, have fart contest with, and make ertyuifloveghjhggjhg with even when my sister was just a mattress away, I’d choose you every time. Without thinking twice.
Sounds cliché but I have never really loved someone fully, till I met you. And my heart has never been so broken by someone till you left. Imagine how many times I had to pretend I was doing fine without you, imagine how I was able to fill my brain up with dental crap when all i did was think about you, imagine how I still stayed at the place where we did everything even when you weren’t around anymore, with your smell lingering and memories of you flashing in. Imagine how I was able to do all of that without using someone. I did it all by myself.
Not a fucking day goes by that I don’t think about you. I miss you so much. I miss hugging you from behind, stroking your hair till you fall asleep, teasing you, punching you, listening to your sob stories about life, looking at you, and most of all, I miss how you put your left hand on my cheek, right on my waist, every time we kissed. I bet you’ve forgotten all of it but just in case you don’t know, I loved you from the day you made me wait for twenty five hours to this day I am finally doing what you’ve been asking me to do years ago. I remember how cute you looked when you were begging for me to write a poem about you. Good times… And that’s all it’ll ever be.
You’ve been the only thing that’s right, in all I’ve done.