kaya mag bblog nalang ako. anumpakemo.


“Self-centered, materialistic, annoying whiny little brat!” That was how my mother described me as a daughter ten years ago. We used to argue a lot about everything, anything, everywhere and anywhere. Every argument we had back then usually ends with either door-slamming or a word, just a word- noun, verb, but mostly adjective- that once out of my dirty mouth automatically makes her an instant deaf-mute.

“Are you acting out because Papa left us?” A question that my mom felt the need to ask right after I flunked 7 out of 8 subjects six years ago. She’d been wanting to ask that ever since I failed Physics back in high school, but she let it slide I guess, thinking that I might get back on track, and I did, temporarily. Honestly, I wasn’t acting out until she brought that matter up. I failed Physics because I fell in love, and I flunked 7 out of 8 subjects for the same reason. Papa has nothing to do with it, I thought, and again she was right. Everything has something to do with my father’s departure. From my messed-up grades and nicotine addiction, middle-of-the-night sneak outs and my first-ever-attempt-to-get-drunk turned bronchospastic-episode that I almost died, from all that to my awkwardness around men, has everything to do with him and nothing with my Mother, the woman that I hated for almost 8 immature years of my life because of letting the only man I thought I ever loved and loved me, leave. I took eight humongous steps away without ever giving her the chance to tell the whole story. I swear, I’d do anything just to take those eight steps back.

“I can’t save you if you don’t let me”, a line from a song that best described the look on my mother’s eyes when I finally sat down and listened. There were some parts on her story that I wish she never told, parts that I wish I had known from the start, and parts where I wish I was included coz maybe somehow, if I was there, I might have changed the situation just by merely saying she is more than enough for us. I regret not telling her those seven words when I saw her cry right after my dad left. She was devastated, depressed and heartbroken, yet managed to still smile and say that everything is going to be better than before. She had no idea if she can do it alone, but she did it anyway. I hated her, broke all of her rules, screamed at her countless of times, lied, insulted her, but she loved me just the same, and that is the most amazing thing God could ever give his child; A neverchanging love regardless of how bad or good the situation had been, is, and will be. A mother’s love.

Mama, you annoy me a lot, you’re such a drama queen, you’re so uptight, you talk too much, but I love you anyway. You may have hundreds of cons but your pros are undeniably infinite. You are and always will be a perfect mother with or without a partner. I could go on and on typing how wonderful you are till your next birthday, but I know hearing that most said phrase is enough for you. So, I Love You.

Happy 55th Birthday!!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

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