just a part of it.
“Being with you is like struggling to create a line out of a perfect circle. Unbending a curve to make it even, trying to cut a portion to break the union of the unknown. “
Nobody’s perfect, I know, but I can’t always stick to that perspective for me to accept unbearable issues and just forgive and forget. It’s been a month or two since I ditched someone important to me, hoping that she’d change or be smart and sensitive enough to figure out why I did what I did.
I weep for you, breathe for you, and think for you, because I felt like I have to. Like there’s no other choice but for me to do things for you, not because I want to do it for you. For so long I’ve been trapped in your misery. Every time you feel small, I feel obliged to feel the same way. Every time you hurt, I feel I should too, because I thought not being so, means I’m a terrible friend. I felt so many things I wish I didn’t. I felt small, weak, helpless, deprived, pushed, manipulated, used and abused. I felt everything that suddenly I can’t feel anything anymore. Not even regret.
Call me weak but I’m tired and I have to go back to where I used to be, to who I used to be. I don’t want to be your shock absorber anymore. I don’t want to hurt for you or cry for you or think for you. Not anymore. I’ve waited long enough for you to change and fix me. I give up. Waiting for you is like waiting for a bus at the train station, absurd and impossible. So here I am now, watching the torn pieces of my bus ticket I bought two years ago, fly..up..and away.