kaya mag bblog nalang ako. anumpakemo.

just a part of it.

“Being with you is like struggling to create a line out of a perfect circle. Unbending a curve to make it even, trying to cut a portion to break the union of the unknown. “

Nobody’s perfect, I know, but I can’t always stick to that perspective for me to accept unbearable issues and just forgive and forget. It’s been a month or two since I ditched someone important to me, hoping that she’d change or be smart and sensitive enough to figure out why I did what I did.

I weep for you, breathe for you, and think for you, because I felt like I have to. Like there’s no other choice but for me to do things for you, not because I want to do it for you. For so long I’ve been trapped in your misery. Every time you feel small, I feel obliged to feel the same way. Every time you hurt, I feel I should too, because I thought not being so, means I’m a terrible friend. I felt so many things I wish I didn’t. I felt small, weak, helpless, deprived, pushed, manipulated, used and abused. I felt everything that suddenly I can’t feel anything anymore. Not even regret.

Call me weak but I’m tired and I have to go back to where I used to be, to who I used to be. I don’t want to be your shock absorber anymore. I don’t want to hurt for you or cry for you or think for you. Not anymore. I’ve waited long enough for you to change and fix me. I give up. Waiting for you is like waiting for a bus at the train station, absurd and impossible. So here I am now, watching the torn pieces of my bus ticket I bought two years ago, fly..up..and away.

One response

  1. wla na po ito ha” tpos na po ito komento lng ito…nung nbasa ko2 may kagat na kong narndamn..di ko inakala na gunu n pla nagawa ko syu….grabe pla…nging ganun ba ko ksma syu??? ganun ba kita nasakatan??? ginamit lng ba kita at inabuso???…na paisip tuloy ako kung nging mabute ba akong pinsan syu? kaibigan??? na ang akala ko ay nging tunay at tapat ako syu…pagkakamali ko ba na mahalin kita ng sobra na sa sbrang pagmamahal na un nasasaktan na kita..??? naging sbrang insensitive ba tlga ko???
    bata pa lng tyu…tyu na tlga magksama at maksundo gang magkahiwaly at magkasama ule..mdaming masasayang pingsamahan, kalokohan at mga kalungkutan… ina amin ko marami akong utang syu…mdame kang natulong at naibigay sken…natutunan,mga lugar na di napupuntahan na kasama kang napuntahan, mga bagay na di pa ko nagkakaroon pinatikim mo ko nun at mga pagkaeng nun ko lng nalasap…salamat dun…lhat un di ko un nakakalimutan…at laht ng un hanggang ngeon ay tinatanaw ko na utang na loob syu…at khit nu mangyare di ko un makaklimutan.nakakagulat lng tlga na dmting tyu sa ganung punto..di ko akalain na mgkaka ganun tyu…kung nsaktan man kita mas nasaktin din po ako…akala mo cguro d2 na pgkatapos nun ok lng lhat sken n wla lng pero pg nag iisa na ko dun ko nararamdaman lhat…dun ko pingsisihan lhat…pero pramis gulat tlga ko…na umabot sa gnun ang galit mo sken…minsan pag mag isa lng ako iniisip ko pa rin kung panu nag ka ganun>>san ako nagkamali?? panu??? may mga katanungan na di naging malinaw sken…pero pramis kirot gang buto ang naramdaman ko ate..kaya dinaan ko lhat sa sulat nun…bsta..gsto ko lng pa alm syu ate mahal na mhal kita….wla kng ktulad….gsto ko ule magkasama tyu….
    oi komento n lng yan ha” wla na po yan… aus na lhat ok….

    December 29, 2008 at 10:54 PM

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