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Down and out.

down and out!
by Keysi Tot on Friday, February 25, 2011 at 5:57pm

“What you don’t know won’t hurt you.” -Mai’s Motto in life.

That’s why I’ve been using facebook keysitot-style for a month already. no wall, disabled comments, no news feeds from friends (all, no exceptions), blocked app invites, blocked people i don’t want to get connected with, and rejected friend requests from people I’m not really friends with. Why? that’s just how i roll. Sorry if I sound a bit arrogant.

I just want to have real conversations with old friends i haven’t talked to in ages, ex-classmates, xs, colleagues, ask “how are you?” and all that kamustahan crap and say its been a while, i missed you, and ACTUALLY mean it. gets? Because I’m at this point in my life where I’ve realized that giving a crap about everyone and everything every time is pointless. Especially if you’re not sure if that person genuinely gives a crap like you do. Plus, I’m tired counterattacking all of your bullshits.

So I’m going to start compartmentalizing, not just my facebook, but my life as a human being who doesn’t deserve to be piled up with huge amount of bullshits every day. From those who consider me as a friend only when they’re bored or broke, from egotistical exes who assumes I still have feelings for them, from people who judge me all the time, from mirror hugging btchs and aholes, good time friends who only sees me as a giant beer bong, a shuttle service driver, autoloadmaxx, and finally from people I really do care about. The last one is first on my list.

This isn’t me hating. This is me being ME. A 24 year old something who received an early wakeup call from someone I have ever really loved fully. Someone who I played push-pull game with. Someone I’ve met broken and left fixed. See, I like fixing things, situations, people who think they can’t be fixed, even if it means I’m gonna be the one left broken. Sick right? I know, that’s why It’s time for me to change. I have been perfectly still for the past years while all of you transformed into [insert noun]. Can’t deal with that anymore.

what am i gonna do with thousands of good time friends anyway when i only need a dozen of real ones?

END OF STORY.

Pupil in denial

20110708-115510.jpg

Beautiful but empty
Your eyes have seen it all
Watched every part
Good part
It gets to see the shining light from above
It gets to smile for every scene that races the heart
It gets to perceive the beauty of both
Bad part
It doesnt close when you want to
Yet opens when you dont ask to
Your eyes have seen it all
It gets to see the contrary of perfection
Without meaning, without blinking
Your eys have seen it all
It never fails to see wide open
Never gets tired
But you do
And you just wish you were blind

OO.

  I’m not good at remembering exact dates and all that kind of crap, but i sure remember everything about you and everything with you. I know I must forget you, let go and stop holding on, but sometimes, I forget about forgetting you.

Remember the night when I said that if ever things fall apart between us you shouldn’t worry about me coz I’ll just think of you as my pet dog bubbles who died of starvation? I lied. You asked me how I really felt about you, I said nothing. I lied again. All the times that we were together, all I did was lie, deny, and push you away, because that was the right thing to do. Because, I knew while you were with me, her heart is breaking, and I don’t want to be a part of that. I said three-fourths of me wants you to go back and fix things with her, but the truth is, I want you so bad that pushing you away would be the best thing to do coz I know you’ll be happier with her, which I have proved right. I know you’re happy now, happier than you could ever be with me, and I am genuinely happy for the both of you. No BS.

Am I mad? No. That’s what I’ve been trying to do, be mad at you so that it would be easier for me to move on and forget you, but I can’t. Because I can’t find a freakin reason to hate you, because, everything I hated about you, I learned to love, even your annoying non-stop self-admiration, the fact that you’re an asshole, your vanity, your ADHD-like syndrome, your “I’m so fine everyone wants to shag me” line that you never fail to mention whenever I criticize you, and how you made me wait for twenty five hours.

Would I do it all over again? Hell to the yes. If I were to pick someone who I can watch dvds with while eating cold pizza, play tong-its with till dawn, re-enact UFC moves, listen to wild confessions and laugh at those stupid callers, sing mushy songs with, play hide and seek with (underpants version), argue about anything with, get into petty fights with, pig out with, have fart contest with, and make ertyuifloveghjhggjhg with even when my sister was just a mattress away, I’d choose you every time. Without thinking twice.

Sounds cliché but I have never really loved someone fully, till I met you. And my heart has never been so broken by someone till you left. Imagine how many times I had to pretend I was doing fine without you, imagine how I was able to fill my brain up with dental crap when all i did was think about you, imagine how I still stayed at the place where we did everything even when you weren’t around anymore, with your smell lingering and memories of you flashing in. Imagine how I was able to do all of that without using someone. I did it all by myself.

Not a fucking day goes by that I don’t think about you. I miss you so much. I miss hugging you from behind, stroking your hair till you fall asleep, teasing you, punching you, listening to your sob stories about life, looking at you, and most of all, I miss how you put your left hand on my cheek, right on my waist, every time we kissed. I bet you’ve forgotten all of it but just in case you don’t know, I loved you from the day you made me wait for twenty five hours to this day I am finally doing what you’ve been asking me to do years ago. I remember how cute you looked when you were begging for me to write a poem about you. Good times… And that’s all it’ll ever be.

You’ve been the only thing that’s right, in all I’ve done.

….

The main cause of FAILURE is the lack of preparation, and the general false notion that the boards is HARD. A Chinese scholar once said, that Fear cause losses in battle. Know thyself and know thy enemy. You are only as brave and as strong, as how you feel about yourself. The boards is just a small pebble on your road to success. – Garret Robles, DMD

Motherrrrrrr..

“Self-centered, materialistic, annoying whiny little brat!” That was how my mother described me as a daughter ten years ago. We used to argue a lot about everything, anything, everywhere and anywhere. Every argument we had back then usually ends with either door-slamming or a word, just a word- noun, verb, but mostly adjective- that once out of my dirty mouth automatically makes her an instant deaf-mute.

“Are you acting out because Papa left us?” A question that my mom felt the need to ask right after I flunked 7 out of 8 subjects six years ago. She’d been wanting to ask that ever since I failed Physics back in high school, but she let it slide I guess, thinking that I might get back on track, and I did, temporarily. Honestly, I wasn’t acting out until she brought that matter up. I failed Physics because I fell in love, and I flunked 7 out of 8 subjects for the same reason. Papa has nothing to do with it, I thought, and again she was right. Everything has something to do with my father’s departure. From my messed-up grades and nicotine addiction, middle-of-the-night sneak outs and my first-ever-attempt-to-get-drunk turned bronchospastic-episode that I almost died, from all that to my awkwardness around men, has everything to do with him and nothing with my Mother, the woman that I hated for almost 8 immature years of my life because of letting the only man I thought I ever loved and loved me, leave. I took eight humongous steps away without ever giving her the chance to tell the whole story. I swear, I’d do anything just to take those eight steps back.

“I can’t save you if you don’t let me”, a line from a song that best described the look on my mother’s eyes when I finally sat down and listened. There were some parts on her story that I wish she never told, parts that I wish I had known from the start, and parts where I wish I was included coz maybe somehow, if I was there, I might have changed the situation just by merely saying she is more than enough for us. I regret not telling her those seven words when I saw her cry right after my dad left. She was devastated, depressed and heartbroken, yet managed to still smile and say that everything is going to be better than before. She had no idea if she can do it alone, but she did it anyway. I hated her, broke all of her rules, screamed at her countless of times, lied, insulted her, but she loved me just the same, and that is the most amazing thing God could ever give his child; A neverchanging love regardless of how bad or good the situation had been, is, and will be. A mother’s love.

Mama, you annoy me a lot, you’re such a drama queen, you’re so uptight, you talk too much, but I love you anyway. You may have hundreds of cons but your pros are undeniably infinite. You are and always will be a perfect mother with or without a partner. I could go on and on typing how wonderful you are till your next birthday, but I know hearing that most said phrase is enough for you. So, I Love You.

Happy 55th Birthday!!

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Testing

Testing testing 123.

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Hello Singapore!

HUMANDA KA SAMIN NI MAYA!

anongpetsanahoy.taeka.

Wala. Naisipan ko lang isaisahin mga napanood kong pelikula nung 2009, although yung iba eh hindi 2009 pinalabas. Isasama ko na rin kase nga 2009 ko sya pinanood eh!! Bakit ba!?

“Saw 5”
– buset! Nsayang 45 pesos ko!

“He’s Just Not That Into You”
– okey lang. Eye opener sa mga gerlalung assumera!

“Confessions Of A Shopaholic”
– chick flick. Bang kyut ni Isla Fisher

“Watchmen”
– yung baklog lang ang naalala ko dito

“Knowing”
– pukinginang ending leche.

“Dragonball Evolution”
– kelan pa nagging puti si Goku?!! At bakit GOWKOOH ang bigkas putangina.

“Wolverine”
– okey to. Pinagnasahan ko ng konti si Ryan Reynolds wahah

“Angels & Demons”
– ha?

“Up”
– kyut

“Drag Me To Hell”
– putanginang napakapanget nasayangan nanaman ako ng 30 pesos! Hndi na 45 kasi tinawaran ko eh. Kahit na saying parin isang kahang yosi na lang sana!

“The Proposal”
– chick flick ulet.

“Transformers 2”
– ok lang. Parang medyo mas trip ko ung una.

“Brüno”
– wahahaha okey to!

“G.I. Joe The Rise of Cobra”
– OK lang, matipuno ung bida ampoge!

“Final Destination 4”
– buset. Walang kwenta. Mga putangina nila.

“The Horsemen”
– ok lang panoorin pag trip mo ung biglang mamapa “watdapak?!” sa huli.

“Surrogates”‘
– nakatulog ata ako dito

“(500) Days of Summer”
– eto pinaka peyborit ko ang galeng napaka makatotohanan! Medyo may kurot pero ayos.

“All About Steve”
– ok lang.

“2012”
– AMPANGET.

“Saw VI”
– BANAMAN!? WALALALONG KWENTA!

“Paranormal Activity”
– hndi ako natakot pramis. Medyo na bwiset ako sa pagmumuka nung lalake.

“Closer”
– galeng ganda ayos.

“The Ugly Truth”
– natawa ako dito pramis.

“27 Dresses”
– chick flick ulet. Pero maganda naman. Pogi nung bida. At op kors maganda din ung bida.

Journey to the End of the Night”

– medyo na syak ako sa umpisa. Nagtotorohan. Pero mukang maganda sya. Di lang naming natapos nasira ung cd wahaha

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
– okey to.

The Hangover
– okey lang. Di masyado kakatawa. Buti nalang matipuno si Bradley cooper. (**NAKAKATAWA TO PRAMIS, kaya di ako natawa nung unang panood kasi korni ung ksma ko.)

17 again
– teeny bopper ba ang tawag sa mga ganitey? Ok lang sya. Medyo kakabuset lang ang pagpapakyut ni Zac Apron. Efron. Khit ano.

Role Models”
– katuwa to. Medyo kaantok lang ng onti.

Twilight
– ZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZ mga pukingina nyong bwiset kayo kinilabatutan ako sa palabas nato. I swerrrrrr! At itaga mo sa bato di ko papanoorin ang new moon!

Marami pa kong mga napanood ung iba lang di ko maalala title. Karamihan kasi ng napanood ko ung mga nasa 20 in 1 na dvd wahaha ung tig sisingkwenta pesos. Aktwali sisenta pesos nga yun eh tumatawad lang kami. Ang pinakanagustuhan ko siguro sa lahat eh ung 500 days of summer at ung closer, medyo may kurot kasi ung storya eh. O sya balik sirkulasyon nanaman ako bukas!! Pasukan nanaman buset. At teka bipor dat e to nga pala new year’s resolution ko.

1.Maging masipag – ……….gudlak.

2.Bawasan ang yosi – …………………super gudlak.

3.Mag exercise – eto medyo kayak o ng konti.

4.Ngumiti – …….gudla….k….?

5.Maging matipid, wag ng kumain sa wendy’s, kfc, pizzahut, etc – kaya!

6.Tigilan muna ang pag eeksperimento sa alcohol

7.Maging mas mabait na anak -wahahahahahaha niloloko ko nanaman sarili ko.

8.Bawasan ang pagtataray

9.Maligo 7 days a week – gudlak.

10.Wag shumorkat sa pagligo, mag shampoo araw araw

11.Mag ipon kahit limang piso a day.

12.Wag ng gawing air freshener ang pabango medyo may kamahalan

13.Matulog ng maaga para mabawasan ang tigidig

14.Uminom ng gatas gabi gabi para medyo magkalaman ang hinaharap (sabi nila eh.)

15.Pag bakbak na ang kyutiks, burahin agad.

16.Magsipag sa clinic!

17.Maging mabait sa pasyenteng nag mamaasim.

18.Maging pasensyosa.

19.Tigilan na ang pag ngata ng sitsirya.

20.at wag ng malalate sa klase!

Ang dami eh no. Sana naman kahit 10 out of 20 lang eh magawa ko. Gudlak nalang saken.

Salamat sa pagsasayang mo ng oras sa pagbabasa. Dahil dyan, lab na kita!

p.s. natanggap kong regalo ngyn puro doraemon at yosi. magpapahapyaw nako para sa bday ko medyo tayp ko ung malaking lighter. as in LIGHTER talaga. aylayket berimats. iwas nakaw un, malamang di un pag didiskitahan ng mga tirador ng lighter. oo mga tirador ng lighter! oo ikaw yon tae ka! ibalik mo saken yon! ang cheap mo Lcc nalang dinekwat mo pa hampas lupa ka.

“The hardest thing to let go of is the one you don’t own.”

Sapul.

babay prensterblag. helow blagspat.

hehehe.

I don’t know a lot about narcissistic personality disorder, but here’s what I know, IT’S ANNOYING. I understand the fact that it is a disorder and something purely involuntary, but come on, non-stop self admiration?! Pffft.

I have five words for you egotistical piece of cow turd, you are not that special. Just because of the situation you’re in now which is because of me doesn’t mean you’re dakila.

All I ask is gratefulness, a simple thank you that because of me you’re studying, or at least show that you’re really thankful so that my efforts wouldn’t go into waste. It’s not that you have to thank me every day, or be my slave; all I need is to see that you deserve what you’re getting now.

Call me sumbatera, but how can I not sumbat someone who is so kasumbatsumbat! Hahaha ang arte eh no, di ko kasi alam English ng sumbat. We are so disappointed in you, especially the person who works hard just to pay for your education. I know you’ve assimilated a lot of knowledge since you got into college but one thing is for sure, you were asleep when the words gratitude and modesty was being lectured.

And what’s so frustrating about it is that you were never like that before.

Never again will I help someone who doesn’t deserve anything.

and wag kang parang xerox copy ng malabong xerox copy ng original copy. have some originality, will you?